I know why you’re not sleeping

I couldn’t sleep last night.

Yes I know, despite all of my own tips, I found it terribly difficult last night to drop off. When I stopped trying to ignore the issues that were bouncing off the walls of my mind keeping me awake, it made sense.

You see, I had tried to push down two events of the day that had me quite shook on the inside. Quite miniscule events on the grand scheme of things, but events of enough magnitude in my own mind to churn restlessness around my body before bed time.

The first was a song. A ridiculous, stupid song by Kesha and Pit Bull (I know, I said it’s ridiculous) that came on earlier on in the day. But annoyingly enough, as soon as that song blasted out of my car radio, it unexpectedly brought back some very deep, bittersweet memories for me of someone that is no longer part of my life- an ongoing issue that I have been attempting to neutralise in my mind and body.

The second was a picture I saw later on that day. I was idly thumbing through Facebook and that ‘one day’ function, that shows you what you were up to on this day in previous years. It threw me a curve ball, a picture from two years ago, of the same person but a different memory this time, and again I had a bit of an internal shock. Which I again, repressed.

I felt as though couldn’t deal with those emotions right there and then as they arose. You see I was busy, in company, responsible for children and generally not in the mood to contemplate and observe what those two memories had upturned inside of me. So, of course, as soon as my brain was mostly off-duty at the end of the day, right before going to sleep, up they came, turning and swirling around and around for about an hour before I decided I just had to deal with it.

It’s like all of this brain training over the past few months has paid off in a way, because at least I was aware of the emotions trying to pass through, the question was, how to assist in this passing so that the particular energies of those events could simply come in, and go back out of my body without leaving a damaging trace.

I did the only thing I could think of and that was to reach for my mobile, put up with the glaring screen burning my eyes in the darkness and I wrote everything down (well I didn’t have a pen and paper handy so it was the next best thing). And honestly, when everything was ‘put to paper’ so to speak, it must have only been seconds afterwards I was asleep.

I thought I would write about my experience, because emptying my mind really paid off, despite having to deal with the discomfort of the bright screen for around thirty minutes or so. The key here for me was:

  1. Being aware there was something bothering me
  2. Observing the emotions that were ‘stuck’ (previous meditation experience helped)
  3. Releasing them (writing)
  4. Enjoying the benefits of release (sleep).

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